A Loss of Marbles (The Fate Remix)

This small story is dedicated to all those who doubt fate. May you open your eyes.

I sat on the floor, playing with a marble and racecar track I got a few years ago. I always liked to set up the track to go from one room to another, and then watch the marble go down the track, faster than I could run. It would amuse me for hours as I tried to optimize the speed of the little ball of glass, and then I'd add in jumps and turns, just for excitement. It was on one of these days that my grandfather came over, only to find me fast at work building a new roller coaster for my spherical friend.

"I see you’re hard at work," he said from behind me. I heard him climb the stairs, and smiled upon hearing his voice. Most grownups didn't care about my fun, but he always did. I quickly ran and hugged him.

"Yep! Let me show you!" I grabbed his hand and lead him to a spot next to the track, and then insisted that he sit down to watch. He took his time, but did so happily, excited that he would see my newest creation. I obliged him by getting the marble and letting it go down the track once more.

He looked over to me, and said "Get another marble. I want you to try something."

I had always been used to only using the one marble on the track, but he sounded very enthusiastic about his plan, so I got another marble and sent it on its way. It ended up a few centimeters to the left of the previous one.

"Now Benjamin," (he always used my full name) "why didn't the two marbles end up in the same place?"

I thought about it for a moment, and remembered all that I had learnt about track building over the years. "Well," I replied, "do you see this chair here, under the track?" His eyesight wasn't the best, so I thought that I should ask if he saw it, just to make sure. He nodded. "It holds up the track so that after each run, the track doesn't move as much. It moves a little bit though."

"So, if there was a completely immovable track, and you put a marble down it, it would always end up in the same place?" he queried. He looked like he had just got started, so I decided that the answer had to be no, and worked on why it was that.

"No, I don't think so," I hesitantly answered, hoping that my guess was right.

"Why's that? What other things could be different from the first time, to the second?"

I practiced taking a marble and setting it on the track. I tried to figure out what could change exactly, and then I realized that there were a few things. "I could push the marble!" I happily said. "A-And I could put it down in a different place!"

"Those are both correct." He smiled at me, and I smiled back. "Now, let's imagine that we get rid of everything that can interfere. Then, would the marble always end up in the same place?"

I mulled the idea over. "That makes sense," I finally told him.

"Good, good. Now, when an experiment can be done many times with the same result, it's called repeatable. It's through these repeatable experiments that we gain scientific knowledge. We discover patterns." He looked at me patiently, as I took in the information.

"So," I started "if I send the marble from the top of the track, and then from lower heights, I can find out how far it will go from any height?" I was quite bright for a boy of twelve, partly because I had a good teacher in my grandfather.

"Exactly. You can find a pattern, and then use it to predict future events." He paused, and gazed at me with a twinkle in his eye. "But there's something even more amazing that I have to tell you." I looked back at him with curiosity, and a drive to learn that paralleled his own to teach. "We can use this idea to prove that fate exists."

I eyed him carefully, trying to tell if he was tricking me here, as he so often did. "If you ran enough tests, then you could predict the future for everything, right?"

He just smiled back at me. "You're still thinking inside the box, Benny-boy." The only time he ever called me Benny-boy was when he was very happy, and he was only very happy when he was teaching me something truly wondrous.

I was very excited now, but impatient all the same. "Then tell me!"

He teased me for a minute by just smiling at me some more, and then began saying "The experiment will come up the same if we have everything the same, correct?"

I nodded in response. "If the track doesn't move, the marble starts in the same place, and with the same speed, etc. then yes, the result will be the same."

"That," he slowly revealed, "is the cornerstone to this proof. If you repeat something under the same conditions, the result will always be the same."

"But how does that prove that fate it exists?" I really wanted him to get on with it, even if he was enjoying his teaching.

"Pick a number between 1 and 1000, and tell me what it is," he stated.

"672," I replied, wondering how this had anything to do with fate.

"Alright then. Let's say that we could somehow recreate the moment that you chose your number. Everything would be the same. The whole universe would be identical to when you just chose your number a moment ago." He was getting excited now. "The experiment would be duplicated perfectly! What number would you choose?"

"Six hundred and seventy two." I slowly let the words roll off my tongue, as my mind raced forward to what he'd say next. I started to see where his argument was progressing, and I liked it.

"Exactly! There was only ever one outcome, right?!"

"Yes!"

"Which means..." He was pulling at me to make the connection myself.

"Then you'd get a new universe in which another event will occur, and then a new universe in which even another event will occur, and it will keep progressing in a cycle of action begetting change, change begetting action, onward and onward..."

He smiled. "And all of it stemmed from one action. That's the essence of fate. The universe is like a giant billiard table. An initial action, the hitting of the cue ball, sets a series of events in motion. In the universe though, there are an almost infinite amount of these balls, and they never stop moving, creating action upon action."

And then I knew the final words. "But it all started from the one action. It was all predetermined."

He smiled at me once more while I sat there, grasping at the remaining shreds of the reality I knew only moments ago. "Now Benjamin, don't think about it too hard. It'll come to you in time." He got up, and started to leave. "For now, just be content with your marbles."

I looked up at him, sighed, and then continued playing, my mind working overdrive as it was destined to do.

The Meaning of Life: Redux

Amber raised a good point in her comment to my previous post (even if she did post it at 3 AM). What if there is no meaning to life? It is the only assumption I made in my argument, and so it is a valid question to ask; is there a meaning to life?

It makes sense that we would attribute a meaning to life as it is 100% of our experience. We experience only that which we live, and thus our life is very important to us. As such, we wish to know that our life has a meaning, and there has been a reason for our existence. Just as we wish to feel secure in knowing that all the time and energy we put into school will be worth something someday, we too wish to believe that our life will amount to something greater than just the sum of our days.

But what if it's all for naught? In the grand scheme of things, it's entirely possible that we will destroy ourselves, the sun will expand and consume the remains of the Earth, and there will be nothing left of us. The rest of the universe will progress, unaware of our existence. We will have had no grand impact.

Truly though, every single day, we strive to get meaning from our life. We all want what's best for ourselves, and the majority of us have realized that this goal requires us to do both what is best for ourselves, while still doing good for others. We give our lives meaning. And that, more than everything else, matters.

The Meaning Of Life

We all wonder what the meaning of life is. Why are we here? What's the meaning of it all? I think I know what it is. The meaning of life... is immortality.

That is our ultimate goal; to make sure no one dies. Most of us already know this. We try to be nice to people, avoid war at all costs, and attempt to stop people from killing others. We also try to make our life last as long as possible, by exercising, or by creating something great so others will remember us. Yet, we have not begun to truly become immortal.

Let me address why this is our purpose in life. If we assume there is a meaning of life, then it follows that life must have meaning. And if life is to have a meaning, then there needs to both be life, and a reason for it. Since death is the end of life, and life is needed for there to be a meaning to life, then the reason for life is to prevent death. Hence, the meaning of life is to find immortality.

Determining the benefits of immortality is left as an exercise for the reader, and will be touched upon in the next blog.

Schrödinger's Cat: Killed By Curiosity

Curiosity is defined as "a state in which you want to learn more about something". If that is true, then I question why you want to learn about that. There must, undoubtedly, be a reason for why you are curious about something; a cause for the effect and action of asking the question.

Simply giving the excuse of "I'm just curious" does not make sense. There is a reason why you're curious about that particular subject, whether you realize it or not. Most times the aforementioned phrased is used to hide the true reason, usually because the true reason is something that the questioner does not which to reveal.

If I ask you when your birthday is, it is most likely due to a few reasons, such as: I wish to celebrate your aging an additional year, I want to know if I'm older than you, or I may just wish to ask the question in order to tell you when mine is in order to exchange information and "bond". However, if I were asking you the question due to the last reason, then I would most definitely be less likely to explain that that is the actual reason, but instead try to nonchalantly pass it off as me just being curious, even though this is not the case.

Alternately, a person may say that they asked something because of a given reason, but they were "mainly curious". This is often times used to deflect focus away from the true reason they asked the question which they gave. They aren't actually lying to you in either case too; in both they are genuinely curious, but they just don't wish to share the actual reason for their curiosity with you.

Now, there is another aspect of curiosity to deal with: being too curious. There are many times when someone will ask you a plethora of question, continually quoting curiosity as the reason for their inquisitiveness. I've just dealt with the illogic of citing curiosity as the cause for your actions (it may be true, but does not accurately reflect the real reason why you ask the question) and I will now address the issue of the problems it causes.

Humans, for the most part, are curious creatures. We wish to know why things work the way they do, how things happen, who people are, what ifs, and an innumerable list of other things. Science has arisen and explained many mysteries of our universe due to our endeavor for answers, and while these are established facts, it can still be irritating to have a person grill you on a subject. Truly, no one expects the Spanish Inquisition.

Someone who is overly curious can be consider nosy, and this is a reputation which can be disastrous to obtain. Few people wish to confide in someone considered nosy, for fear that they will be brutally dissected and be left with nothing more than what they started with, spare a filling of panic and unwanted openness. Consequently, most will stray from someone known to be nosy and only venture close when wishing to acquire information upon another person. The nosy person is then left without lasting friendships, except for the few other people who allow themselves to be associated with such a person (and they are usually of a similar nature). The main downside of this association is that you could be dissected at a moment's notice, and feel used.

Perhaps all that can be gained from this idea is both an understanding into why we say that we are just curious about a subject, and fair warning to those who are nosy or associate themselves with those who are. I think that we should all be able to admit why we ask a question, or at least be able to explain why if the questionee inquires.

It's better to let another know why they are being questioned than to just give the excuse that you're curious. It is far nicer to know that you wish to find out about their birthday so that you can do something nice for them upon that day than to just have the inquiry dismissed with "I'm just curious". Truly, honesty is paramount in so much.

Psst!

Why do we have secrets? What's the point? Why would I not want to tell you, the reader, something?

Well, it could be because I'm timid or embarrassed about the secret in question. I may be afraid that you'll make fun of me for my Pokemon playing. You could shun me, call me names, etc. But am I afraid because that is what will happen, or because it's what I believe will happen?

If there is no legitimacy to my claim, then I am being afraid over nothing. Conversely though, if it is a certainty that you will reject me as a friend for playing Pokemon, then I have to decide which I value more: honesty and openness, or your friendship.

Luckily, there may be some way to find out why you dislike Pokemon to the extent that you would end our friendship. If it is because you once had a traumatic experience involving someone who played Pokemon, then I could try to explain how I'm not like that other person. By gaining understanding, we can keep our friendship intact and not let it fall apart over such a little misunderstanding.

Personally, I feel that we should not have secrets. The only reason we keep secrets is due to insecurities, be it our own or others. I wouldn't tell you that I sleep with a teddy bear that my great-grandmother made me when I was very young if I was insecure about it. If I thought you would judge me and say that I was a child for doing that then I’d keep it a secret from you.

In the end though, if you're comfortable about who you are and what you do, why should others change that? If they don't accept you for who you are, then why should you conform to suit them? Unless you can be shown that your Pokemon addiction, style of dressing, or drinking of WD40-enriched water is a bad thing, then there's no reason for you to stop.

Someone told me recently that they keep some secrets so they can tell them to friends who they trust as a sign of that trust. Personally, I innately trust everyone unless they show me a reason why I shouldn't. However, when I get to know people more, then I'll give them "full access" as it were. Many times I'll even say "You can ask me anything you know."

The worst part though, is when people are insecure about the strangest things. As most people are getting e-mails about "enlarging their penis size", I think that we can conclude that the majority of males feel inadequate in that regard. But why? Unless you're a stripper, or just wish to have sex for fun, then it doesn't really matter. Would you want to marry someone who, after happily spending months with you in a relationship, suddenly thinks less of you because of your penis size? I personally wouldn't wish to marry someone so conceited.

Why can't we all just be a little bit more open and a tad more accepting? If all learn how to love each other for who they are a bit more, then there'd be less war, hatred, and violence. The world would become a better place. We wouldn't see gang violence nearly as much. So open up. Show people that you're no one to be afraid of, and in turn, they'll trust you.

This openness and trust will nurture acceptance, bringing love and a feeling of belonging to blossom. The world can become a better place, if you just tell your secrets. Just be warned: Most people don't want to know about your penis size. You can keep that to yourself.

A lack of much, a need for so much more

As we enter into the fall, so much changes. The colours of the leaves, the weather and the geese, as well as a myriad of other things. But there are a few things that are more subtle, yet striking, like the fact that this is all a slow segue to winter.

Winter is a time of joy for most students, as there are snow days, Christmas, and the annual favourite: two weeks off from school. Still, there is often times much to be desired from winter, as in most cases it lasts too long for its own good.

I have to say that this is similar to making or meeting a new friend. You know that you're going to meet this person for a while, and your excitement builds in anticipation. If you know about it for long enough, it can build rather slowly.

You notice the first bit of colour on the trees which is not green, and your friend tells you that you're getting together in a few months. You look forward in anticipation for both the coming of Christmas and that of your friend. Eventually, as time progresses, you start to cross of the days until you meet your friend, and in another room your sibling counts the days to Christmas through an advent calendar.

Finally, you meet your friend and show them all the presents you got for Christmas. Both of you are elated. However, now comes the hard part. With the initial meeting over, and you putting so much into it, what's left? There's nothing that can parallel your feelings up to the encounter, and surely you'll have to wait until the two of you meet again for such excitement to relapse.

Like in any story, you now have the denouement. The joy you first felt at meeting the person is somewhat seen through. Your presents lose their novelty, and just become stuff. Life, is once again, mundane.

Often times, when you make something to be bigger than it is, you're disappointed afterwards, and are left with a feeling of despair. How could I have been so stupid to make such a big deal out of it in the first place? Why did I look forward too it so much? Many times, this leads to the personal degrading of opinion of that which has disappointed you.

The friend who once you couldn't wait to have arrive is now nothing special. In fact, they betrayed you. They made his or her self look greater than he or she actually was. It wasn't your fault. Your friend let you down. Christmas let you down.

But it'll start again the next time. You'll get suckered in by the commercialism, the hype. Sure, deep down you know your expectations are false, that no one can be that good, no Christmas that perfect. But still, you hope. A year's past, and this time you vow it will all be different.

It's possible to change. It's possible to not be left angry at Christmas and your family, or the friend who turned out to not be as good as you thought. But it's hard. The first, as always, is understanding that is needed.

Once you understand why you were disappointed, and so do the other people involved, be it your family, friend, or friends, then you can work from there. Next, show that you understand why they're hurt by what you did. Finally, patch things up.

Sure, there will be difficulties. You're still disappointed, and they're still mad, but you get through that. Unless, unfortunately, the emotions are so strong that you can't. You may be so mad at them for being "deceived" or your friend/family may be so mad at you for the pain your disappointment and anger brought them that neither of you wants to talk to the other.

In these times, you'll cite "reasons" for why you're doing what you're doing. These reasons range from "They lied to me!", "I thought they were different!", and "They're not worth my time!" to "I hurt them.", "I talk to them when they've changed.", and "I'm not worth their time."

You have to look at these reasons to see if they are valid. Did they lie to you, or did you just expect more than they could give? If you thought they were different, was it that you were ignoring everything that told you otherwise? If it that they're not worth your time, or is it that you don't have the time to spare and the effort to put in to change your feelings about them?

Did you hurt them, or did was it his or her fault that he or she was hurt? How can you talk to them when they've changed if your not letting them talk to you? If you're not worth their time, then why did they spend it on you in the first place?

Hate, despair, and all the other emotions of that intensity can lead you to doing things, which, in hindsight, are wrong. While it is not possible to override intense emotions when they are going on, look back on the situation and assess if the emotions were warranted. Look at the reasons why you wanted to be friends with the person in the first place, and then at the reasons why you don't want to now. What if you're wrong? What if the negative reasons don't exist?

Ultimately, what if they're really how you saw them to begin with? Can you go on without being sure? Can you go on wondering if you truly know the person, or understand why they did what they did, or if they even did it?

Regret, guilt, and longing are some of the most lasting and powerful emotions that you feel. It only makes sense to reduce them. Go out there, and mend some fences. Or better yet, tear them down all together.

It's about time

I have not posted a blog in a while, and I think that this situation should be rectified. In an effort to do this, I will try to fix up this blog and other things in the future. Which brings me to today's post: Fate.

I had a very long winded and well thought out argument stating that fate existed. The unfortunate part was that this was not the best explained, and required a great leap of faith. It was not until yesterday that I came up with this very simple logic which does a lot more than my initial theory ever did.

The past is fixed. Today is just tomorrow's yesterday. If the past is fixed, and tomorrow we will remember today as yesterday, then today is the future's past, and is therefore set. And if the past and future are both set, then fate exists.

I rest my case.

Video Letter to Beth

(Comes with this cool text: "This video letter explains the complex art of how to write an e-mail. (Background story: You see, I asked my friend to write me an e-mail, and she "hasn't gotten around to it yet". So I made a video to show her how.) Sure, the video is crap and the audio is all over the place, volume wise, but it's the thought that counts.")

Anyway, this is more my revenge on her for not e-mailing me. And since I haven't done a blog recently, I thought I could toss this in.

Idea for tonight

I have to say that there is something I consistently hate about emotions. An item that you don't really want, when threated to be taken from you, makes part of you want to keep it, if, for no other reason, than just to be able to say you have it.

My mother was getting rid of a Jeopardy game which I had completely forgotten I had and had only played once or twice and not overly liked it, but when it was brought back into my mind, I wanted to keep it because, of course, it may be of use someday. Or I'll make an animation on the computer, then I'll hit a phase where I find it to be trivial and just taking up space, but then someone inquires if I had used a certain technique once, and lo and behold, I only did so on that one "trivial" animation.

Ultimately though, you need to move on in life. You only have so much room, and most times, things are trivial. That being said, I still want to set up something that records everything I do visually and audatorially so that I can replay parts of my life on cue.

I need a ham sandwich

I make this blog for two reasons, both of which I feel to be worthwhile. The first is that a friend asked my services in that I was supposed to reveal my knowledge on the subject of increasing efficiency when commencing activities which one desires. The other reason is that this not only gives me another blog (something which I feel I need), but it also helps to reinforce my own resolve on doing things which I deem important to myself. In any case, this blog is being made in my mind as I type, so I shall dispense with any more formalities, and simply begin.

1. In order to efficiently complete a goal which you set for yourself, you must first have a well-planned out goal. What do you wish to complete? Why? What do you hope to achieve by completing it? How long do you estimate it will take until its completion? Once you have your goal (I wish to write this blog), then all you have is a map with an X, without any landmarks or a path from where you are to the end.

2. Next, answer as many questions as you can about the goal, such as those listed previously. These will help you by making your goal more obtainable in the sense that you now have a definitive goal. You know what you want, why, etc. so now you can get it. Your goal is no longer a distant castle which you have only heard rumours about and is surrounded in fog, but now a vibrantly drawn castle which you can easily see.

3. Once you see the castle, you must quest there. A path must be created. Take your goal, and then figure out how you wish to get there. Start out simple (I wish to sit down and write the blog), and then add more detail (I will sit down on July 19th while watching the remaining bit of the first Star Trek movie and write my blog. The blog will be on procrastination.), until you feel that it is a plan that you can follow. In most cases, too little information leads to a motivational problem (because you don't know how you're going to complete your goal, you feel lost and then begin to think that you should not continue). That being said, often times it is better to lack a clear path to your goal as it makes the journey more exciting and allows for more creativity. Just be cautious.

4. Now, no doubt, there will be some problems. However, there are many ways that you can overcome these. Most of the problems you will have will be those of motivation. If you ready wish to do something, but at one point or another lose focus, you need help. Here are some suggestions:

• Look back at the questions you answered when figuring out your goal. What did you wish to accomplish by reaching your goal? Why are you doing it?
• Ask friends to help. If they wish you to do something too, then they'll be happy to bug you to do it.
• Set up rewards for yourself. Say that you can have a bowl of ice cream once you finish the goal.
• Separate the task into smaller parts. In writing this blog, I separated points. This both helped in communication of points, but also gave me a sense that I had completed so much of this already, and then there was only a little left to go. This action of separating your task into smaller parts could be incorporated into step 3 when you're making a path to your goal.
• Take breaks in between parts. If you relax between parts, then you'll be ready to tackle the next one.
• Keep going! When you're on a roll, go with it. Then you'll get more done, and when you're stuck, you won't feel so bad because you already did a lot.
• Focus on the positive. I cannot emphasise this enough. When you're at a stand still, don't think about how much further you have to go, think about how fun it will be to get there, and look back at how much you've done and how easy or interesting that was. You're getting there!

5. The best way to deal with motivational issues is remove them.

• Turn off instant messaging programs, or set your status to away or busy. Talking to people for no reason is a great way to waste time and not get things done.
• Remind yourself why you want to do your goal, so that you stay focused on the task.
• Don't get discouraged at setbacks, but see them as mini-goals. They are now new checkpoints and you'll complete them once you overcome them.
• Sometimes music can be a good thing while working as it helps relieve stress. However, be wary of songs which will make you want to do something else, unless you use them for breaks. For example, I can't listen to certain CDs while writing this blog, otherwise I start to think that I should make music videos for them (may be coming soon!)
• Plan your time well. If you want to do so much by a given date, notify friends of this as well, so they can make sure not to bug you during that time, or can help you with your goals.
• If you feel like you'd rather be doing something else, see if you can incorporate your goal into it. That's how this blog came to be. I wanted to blog, but I had no ideas, and then I got asked a question on procrastination, and voila!

6. One of the most important things, given all this, is to reassess your goal on occasion if you're really lacking motivation, or just in general. Is it really worth your time and effort? If so, then get back at it! If not, then that's alright. Set it aside and move on. One of the worst things I think I've ever done is taken something I've started on or finished, but gotten rid of it because I either was fed up with working on it and disliked it, or I had moved on in my life. Turns out that later on I wanted to show it off or just look back at it, but it was gone.

7. Once you've completed your task, great! But don't get lazy. Celebrate the victory, but then look to new endeavours. Just beyond the next problem, just beyond the next idea, there's something that's fantastic. Grab it, and go for it. Let your triumph hurl you to new heights, and onto new journeys.

8. Ultimately, have fun with it. You should find some way to make everything fun. Got a blog to write? Do it listening to some music that inspires you to write. Want to read a book in a day? Lunge at the goal, and suck every last word out from the pages until it's dry of knowledge.

I've completed my goal for today. Have you?

I leave you with this:

Often procrastination
Leads to current elation
But then its degradation
Only leaves exasperation