A lack of much, a need for so much more

As we enter into the fall, so much changes. The colours of the leaves, the weather and the geese, as well as a myriad of other things. But there are a few things that are more subtle, yet striking, like the fact that this is all a slow segue to winter.

Winter is a time of joy for most students, as there are snow days, Christmas, and the annual favourite: two weeks off from school. Still, there is often times much to be desired from winter, as in most cases it lasts too long for its own good.

I have to say that this is similar to making or meeting a new friend. You know that you're going to meet this person for a while, and your excitement builds in anticipation. If you know about it for long enough, it can build rather slowly.

You notice the first bit of colour on the trees which is not green, and your friend tells you that you're getting together in a few months. You look forward in anticipation for both the coming of Christmas and that of your friend. Eventually, as time progresses, you start to cross of the days until you meet your friend, and in another room your sibling counts the days to Christmas through an advent calendar.

Finally, you meet your friend and show them all the presents you got for Christmas. Both of you are elated. However, now comes the hard part. With the initial meeting over, and you putting so much into it, what's left? There's nothing that can parallel your feelings up to the encounter, and surely you'll have to wait until the two of you meet again for such excitement to relapse.

Like in any story, you now have the denouement. The joy you first felt at meeting the person is somewhat seen through. Your presents lose their novelty, and just become stuff. Life, is once again, mundane.

Often times, when you make something to be bigger than it is, you're disappointed afterwards, and are left with a feeling of despair. How could I have been so stupid to make such a big deal out of it in the first place? Why did I look forward too it so much? Many times, this leads to the personal degrading of opinion of that which has disappointed you.

The friend who once you couldn't wait to have arrive is now nothing special. In fact, they betrayed you. They made his or her self look greater than he or she actually was. It wasn't your fault. Your friend let you down. Christmas let you down.

But it'll start again the next time. You'll get suckered in by the commercialism, the hype. Sure, deep down you know your expectations are false, that no one can be that good, no Christmas that perfect. But still, you hope. A year's past, and this time you vow it will all be different.

It's possible to change. It's possible to not be left angry at Christmas and your family, or the friend who turned out to not be as good as you thought. But it's hard. The first, as always, is understanding that is needed.

Once you understand why you were disappointed, and so do the other people involved, be it your family, friend, or friends, then you can work from there. Next, show that you understand why they're hurt by what you did. Finally, patch things up.

Sure, there will be difficulties. You're still disappointed, and they're still mad, but you get through that. Unless, unfortunately, the emotions are so strong that you can't. You may be so mad at them for being "deceived" or your friend/family may be so mad at you for the pain your disappointment and anger brought them that neither of you wants to talk to the other.

In these times, you'll cite "reasons" for why you're doing what you're doing. These reasons range from "They lied to me!", "I thought they were different!", and "They're not worth my time!" to "I hurt them.", "I talk to them when they've changed.", and "I'm not worth their time."

You have to look at these reasons to see if they are valid. Did they lie to you, or did you just expect more than they could give? If you thought they were different, was it that you were ignoring everything that told you otherwise? If it that they're not worth your time, or is it that you don't have the time to spare and the effort to put in to change your feelings about them?

Did you hurt them, or did was it his or her fault that he or she was hurt? How can you talk to them when they've changed if your not letting them talk to you? If you're not worth their time, then why did they spend it on you in the first place?

Hate, despair, and all the other emotions of that intensity can lead you to doing things, which, in hindsight, are wrong. While it is not possible to override intense emotions when they are going on, look back on the situation and assess if the emotions were warranted. Look at the reasons why you wanted to be friends with the person in the first place, and then at the reasons why you don't want to now. What if you're wrong? What if the negative reasons don't exist?

Ultimately, what if they're really how you saw them to begin with? Can you go on without being sure? Can you go on wondering if you truly know the person, or understand why they did what they did, or if they even did it?

Regret, guilt, and longing are some of the most lasting and powerful emotions that you feel. It only makes sense to reduce them. Go out there, and mend some fences. Or better yet, tear them down all together.